Mom's Medical Maladies

1. Congestive Art Failure: The inability to find room for one more cross eyed portrait of Daddy on he fridge.

2. Sexczema: The way your skin crawls when your husband tries to cop a feel after you've spent a long day with a whiny, clingy child.

3. Mallergies: Severe aversion to large shopping centers after enduring multiple $80 detours into build- a-badger

4. Damnesia: Disorientation at hearing your child use a bad word, until you remember he heard you use it first.

5. "My Crane" : Throbbing headache after spending a two hour playdate referring fights over a single toy in a chock full basement

6. Hymnsomnia: sleeplessness due to anxiety over how one's offspring will behave in church

7. Manopause: Overwhelming need for a girls' night out following an afternoon of baseball widowhood

8. Gum Dis-Ease: Anxious monitoring of kindergartner-enjoying a Chiclet,wondering if it'll end up on your sofa or in her windpipe

9. Gastrointerestitis: excessive focus on contents of sick toddlers diaper

10. Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Sensation of spending one's days endlessly shuttling rowdy kinds to tumble classes and playdates

Thank you Parenting Magazine